i'm lost and i'll never be found

this is me, freaking out. i don't know if i can do this. he called me today at 6:30. "hey, you wanna go to dinner? oh wait." at this point i'm almost wishing that i had just deleted that email back in march, forgotten about this, and gone on living my blissfully normal college life. but at the same time, i know i have to go-- it's this weird personal thing, i guess, because what kind of person would i be if i could, but chose not to? i don't want to be that person. and yet, i don't want be the person who's far away from what i love more than everything.

i want to see pink skies over stonehenge and the basilica as i walk back from the library. i want to walk slowly across the quad while it's still warm. i want to sit in a lewis hallway, back to the wall. i don't want to be here in my room, clothes strewn everywhere as if a tornado has just swept through. i don't want to get on a plane wednesday, knowing that my next transatlantic flight will be four months later.

i need something to hold on to. i need you.



you're hot, cold
you're not available
you run while i lose control
i miss you
forever you'll stay gold

you know i'm not getting by
i've lost it, you're in my mind
everydays the darkest of my life
(i never said i was the best thing for you)

baby where'd you go
i need you here tonight

singing myself to sleep
you're still my favorite melody
it's been three weeks
how long can this go on?
singing myself to sleep
you're haunting every memory
-- the cab, zzzzz


it’s a long way down
just fall into place and you’ll fall into me
we’ll make it out, you’ll see

so say goodnight, our first goodbye
i’ve only got forever and forever is fine
just take your time
we’ll stop the clock together and know that the timing was right.
-- the cab, vegas skies