they say your past always comes back to haunt you. well, here i am psyching myself out again because that's what always happens, right now. i get freaked and think this is all too good to be true and something has to go wrong soon 'cause nothing has yet and god, why can't i just tell my brain to shut up? i'm happy, dammit. i wouldn't ask for anything different and it's all just so good so why can't i just calm down and take this thing, which is so real, for what it is?
and i was doing so much better. maybe this is just an off week for me. everyone has their days, you know? maybe my "day" is a whole fricking week. i don't know. maybe i just want reassurance but how much more reassurance can i really get? it's all up to me on this one, really. i just have to trust and not be afraid for the worst. this is just a bad morning. the rest of the day will be better. i have to believe that.
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