i miss it so much :(

I wrote this on the night of March 23rd:

It's the night of Holy Saturday and I'm here in the church, waiting. I feel like this has been a week of waiting --for God, for an epiphany, for myself-- and finally, the moment of truth has arrived. I've always said that I've been standing on the edge of something big-- and tonight, maybe tonight, I'll topple over the edge. The light in the church will illuminate my soul, and I'll be able to see the other side of the mountain.

I've been put on this earth for a reason. And here I am, trucking my notebooks halfway across the world, looking for that reason. Writing is one half of my soul; this city and all it contains completes it. I could come back a million times, I could live here my whole life-- and I still wouldn't see it all. I couldn't see it all. There are old things and new things, constant things and changing things. I've been here four times (so many, yet so few!) and each Rome I have seen has been a different one.

I would say this place is magical, but really, it's more than that. It's as if a piece of my heart has been buried in this sacred ground, and it is only returned to me when I come back, and back and back and back. And while it feels like home, we are a midget and a majesty-- even standing next to a column at St. Peter's or St. Paul's makes me feel like I'm inches tall. And I am-- but at the same time, I am a tiny piece of the mosaic that is the Eternal City. It may be too flattering to say that, but I feel as much a part of this place as it is a part of me.