there are always moments like these, after talking to my friends, when i miss them and notre dame so much that my heart lurches and i have to catch my breath. sometimes i scowl at the injustice of it all, how the powers that be gave us those four years to love and treasure and then ripped it away without a second thought. it's like london all over again, but a thousand times worse. all i can do is think about how even though we weren't perfect, or even happy with each other all the time, we stuck together through it all. we were a unit, each of us parts of a whole. on nights like these i yearn for nights we took for granted: sweaty, singing, laughing, dancing; conversations in the dark when we were supposed to be sleeping; not caring when the clock ticked to 3am, then 4, even 5.
in moments like these, at my most selfish, i wish i could have any of those nights back, relive their ordinary glory now that i know how much it actually meant in the long run. at my most selfish, i feel like i'm turning into those people i can't stand, who pine over the past until it's long overdue. but at my most selfish, i can't help but feel justified, because damn we had it good enough to care so much that it's over now.
i love and miss my besties so much.
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