so scared of getting older, i'm only good at being young

and in these last moments, these last days of my last classes at the university of notre dame (!), i can't quite believe that we've made it all this way.

i look around my room in its state of disarray and think of all the seemingly ordinary things that the mere memory of will make my heart ache next year. my bright orange sheets. molly's always messy desk. countless pairs of crocs on the floor. an excess of cups, bowls, shot glasses, wine glasses, vases. molly's piccolo. angela's futon. drawers full of cans of soup and popcorn and random snacks. 330 to 146, full circle. we came here knowing nothing of how our throats would hurt after football games, or how the coldest winter nights would feel. how sweaty it really gets in a dorm party, or the glories of the candy wall in the huddle. how the first warm day feels in the spring, or the ease it takes to skip a class you hate. how the dome still manages to glow even on the cloudiest day, or how it feels when the ten girls you live with become your sisters, in a way.

i almost want to turn around and relive the past four years, just as they've been. every excitement, heartbreak, revelation, adventure, and nights stayed up until 4am watching friends or talking about anything at all. everything i have gone through with notre dame has brought me here: i don't have a job. i don't have money. but i do have friends. i have people that love me. and best of all, i know who i am.

i have said this before about many places, many things, but still: i am going to miss this like you can't imagine.