and the four right chords can make me cry

i guess the big thing about life is that you never really know what is going to happen. things that you can seem so sure of at one point can turn into something you sigh, or laugh, or just shake your head about years later. so many times i go back and think, who would've known? sometimes the once-upon-a-times don't have the happily-ever-afters. then again, sometimes the simplest beginnings that you'd never think twice about turn out to have the fairytale endings. a lot of times i think about buildups and letdowns and things that just spring out at you from nowhere. about how many people there are on this earth and how maybe it's not just chance that you happen to run into "the one." i have always been an idealist; i have never been cynical about love like a lot of my friends. not that they don't have any reason to be cynical (because the world can give all of us enough reason to think that), but for some reason i have always believed in love and finding someone, if not "the one."

even back when i was in high school and never had anyone, for some reason i never thought i would end up alone. and maybe that's it-- still believing even long after you're due to be cynical. i had finally come to terms with it, and right after that happened i found someone. it didn't work out and i think we're both better off for it, but for a while i wouldn't sworn my life on it. and the funny thing is, part of my reluctance for it to come to its end was because of the beginning, and how magical it all felt when i had finally found someone for the first time. but that's life: it didn't work out like the stories said it should. like we all say it should. but then life came in and turned things around when i least expected it, and i found myself on a couch with a boy at 5am, grinning like an idiot, in the midst of a conversation that we couldn't bring ourselves to end.

and i guess i'm not like everyone else. and reading this or listening to me is not going to make any difference in the mind of anyone who is hurt or fed up or sick of it or just plain cynical. in the end, my life and my experiences only matter to me; and in the end, i am happy. and even more importantly, i never knew happiness until i was truly there. i guess it's one of those things you can't express, or force, or prove. you just have to know.

you don't need to go out there and prove to the world that you're happy. if you really are, the world will already know, too.