this is written about so many things

the cursor blinks on the screen before me. blink, blink, blink in an endless rhythm, in time with the hum of the hard drive. the words on the screen blur either from staring or from crying-- i'm not even sure which one it is. i'm listening to songs that tug on my heartstrings; they make me build montages in my mind to grand swells of music, they make me film a movie scene in my head where we're all standing in a circle, praying, like we did that one enchanted night. the worst part of life is that things always end. they always have to end.

sometimes it's not fair. this life is too bittersweet-- there are no hellos without goodbyes. everythings ends. people leave. and when they do, they leave a space that can't be filled until they come back, unless they come back.

sometimes, people don't come back.

maybe it's 'cause they won't. maybe it's 'cause they can't. there are some kinds of gone that can't be reversed. and yeah, it hurts. it hurts, and that's the only time you really have to deal with the emptiness. every other time, the space they leave is filled with hope and anticipation-- all building up to the moment when they return, and that hope is replaced with the real thing.

when they're gone, though, is when the space is left, torn open like a gaping wound. there's no way to fill that space-- it's like a square peg in a round hole, like a puzzle piece that just doesn't quite cut it. but like that puzzle piece, you can't force it in there. you can't fill the space with something that doesn't fit. so what do you do? you cry a little, and you hurt a little, or maybe you do a lot of both. but after that, you just have to let it be. a piece is missing, yeah, but the rest of the puzzle is still there, still together. it's not going anywhere.

and that's how life is, i guess. it's not about making every single little thing work-- making every puzzle piece fit. because the truth is, not every little thing is gonna work-- and if we think that it will, we will never be happy. no-- you have to let yourself hurt. you have to let yourself cry. you have to let yourself feel. but after that, get on with it. life doesn't come without these things, but we can decide whether we let them reign over our lives.

so embrace it. open your arms wide and take it all in: the things that hurt you, the things that heal you, the weights, and the feathers. laugh. cry. scream. smile. feel. do you really want to go through life numb? don't be an ice cube. don't freeze, and don't melt. instead, be liquid: sometimes it's salty like tears, but it flows. it moves. it continues.
and so you will continue.

don't let yourself forget. don't ever stop remembering. but don't be stationary, waiting for "what happens next." don't let the memories keep you stuck in the past; instead, let them propel you forward. do everything you used to do, but this time, make it mean more. life is useless without meaing.

define life. define yourself. you may not be webster, but you are who you are. nobody knows you better than you know yourself-- you may not know the back of your hand, but trust me, you know the inside of your soul.