you're the only song i want to hear

i remember your face when we walked into the hot spicy air of the thai restaurant and to this day i can't help but burst out laughing at the memory. you shifted from foot to foot and rubbed sweaty palms together as we stood awkwardly in a dining room small enough to be a closet, and with a sheepish smile you slowly asked me if i wanted to go somewhere else. i remember those tentative early days as a sweet dream, all first dates and first kisses and long walks in the dark. i can't remember feeling the same way about anyone else, even the people i pined for, cried over, thought my heart would break over. the way i felt about you at the beginning was never full of anguish or guilt or stress. sometimes we bear our teeth and swipe our claws but when it's all over, curled up together like quotation marks, i know that the story of you and me are unlike anything i have ever scribbled out before.

i do believe it's true that there are roads left in both of our shoes

sometimes i wish i could live in a book, where everything is always just that much more extraordinary. no one writes about ordinary things, after all, that would make for boring reading. no matter how everyday or plain the main character is, something always happens that makes them more interesting, gives them that touch of uniqueness that you need for the plot of a book.

sometimes i think that no one would want to write about my life right now. in a way, things are exciting and changing, but there's not that strange bit of zaniness that could make it much more interesting, i guess. my interesting days are behind me. sometimes i feel like i could write a book about my college years and that would make for some good reading, but...now, in this city that thrives during the day but actually sleeps at night, i feel ordinary. happy, contended, surrounded by people i love...bur ordinary.

i guess i just want that extra spark and that is the reason why i'm itching to do something, go somewhere. maybe that's why i'm missing my whirldwind european days so much, because all i long for is to sleep where i can hear the sounds of the street, to gaze blearily at a city all lit up and bump shoulders with people in crowded squares and streets at night. dc isn't too shabby by any means, but it's way too full of career-minded people who don't have enough fun. don't get me wrong, i've had some great times here and have been meeting some great people, but everywhere i turn i am reminded of the "get ahead" mentality.

but i am not part of that. i can't be a part of that. i want to do something i love but how can a career be my first prority when there is travel and excitement and love and bright neon lights and life all around me in the world? dc can be lovely but in my heart i am feeling that it's a transitional place for me. i've got other places to see.

and it goes on and on and on

it's so funny to think that i've only lived about a quarter of my life. i feel like i've already been through so much of it, but it's crazy and slightly overwhelming to think about, well, how much MORE there is. i guess when i was little everything seemed so far away in the future that i never really thought about it.

i'm slowly getting adjusted to "real world" life, figuring out exactly what it's like (as opposed to this idea i had in my mind) and being me, living in a city...well as much as i can from my cricket-infested bethesda basement. it's weird because at the same time, i felt so much more independent in london than i do now (and before you ask, invisible reader, no, it's not because of boyfriend issues or the lack thereof...) - i guess there i really had no limitations and a whole ton less responsibility than i do now. and i guess more responsibility should mean less limitations but let's be honest, my life in london was eating, sleeping, drinking, traveling, and squeezing class in between all of that. no worrying about rent, no worrying about a job, how i'm going to get home at night...it was very carefree. even though i was broke most of the time, even though i worried myself sick with boy issues, none of the memories i have of london are marred by any of that. all i remember are the wonderful, amazing times i had in those four months and the feelings of overwhelming happiness that i associate with that whole time. i have said this before and it was so true - i was waking up for the first time after a very long sleep.

i have always thought about london a lot, but recently it's been a lot more frequent. maybe it's because i'm riding public transportation every day again, maybe it's because one of the summer interns in the office is heading back to school in london as i write, maybe it's a thousand other reasons why. either way, i have an itch to go back that started the day i left and has been growing stronger ever since. i'll go back someday, i know, but i'm starting to get impatient waiting for that day to come.

and don't even get me started on ND. fingers crossed for tomorrow.