we should get jerseys 'cause we make a great team

missing you is different from missing anybody else. i've had empty longing, heartache that phsyically hurt me when i would cry and cry myself to sleep at night, before. but it's not like that with you; and it's not that i don't miss you as much, because honestly i have missed you more than i have missed anyone else before.

the thing is, before, it was always about the absence, the lack of speaking, lack of seeing, lack of being with whoever i needed to be with. and now, even though you're a thousand miles away you are more here with me than anyone else ever was. and my life doesn't seem empty and meaningless when you're gone, either. and don't take that the wrong way, because when you are here you make my life better, so much better, but i am still me. i am still happy. and the only thing that could make me even happier is if you were here to share it with me.

i say that i learned how to be happy, but the truth is you were the one that taught me.

we'll bring neon to its knees

and the city lights look like the stars

i miss the thames and its blue-grayness that was sometimes dull, but more often reflected the light of the sky, the light that lived in our eyes. do you remember the south bank and the trees all strung up with blue and white lights, and how when we walked through it felt like we were in a fairy tale? or the graffiti scrawled underneath the national theatre, art in spray-paint, and how i wished my name was scrawled there too? so many times i walked that way, whether it was at twilight, hurrying along to the globe clutching my coat around me; or when we'd stroll back to the flats at night, cold but marveling at the city lights; or when i was by myself on that last day, sun glinting in my eyes, crossing albert bridge, music pounding in my ears. i sometimes think i've gotten over how much i miss london, but then i realize that i could never stop missing it, that city that got under my skin, that lived in my bones. but most of all, i miss the south bank, the place that made me feel like magic, that made me lift my arms to the skies and wish that i would never really have to go home.

you just might find you get what you need

and for every time i think about you
and every time i see a picture with
you and me, and a secret smile, and
every time i curl up close and close my eyes
after tracing constellations, lines between
freckles you can't see from far away, well,
every time your fingers fill the spaces between
my own, and i miss you, quietlysecretlysilently
before you're even gone, i wonder
how it can be real, if i will wake up and
it'll all be a dream, but then i think -
no -
and for every time i think this, i know that
even if i'm dreaming, i won't wake up -


"and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)"

every morning that you rise

and yet sometimes i am inevitably at a loss for words.

you pass through places and places pass through you

but you carry them with you on the soles of your traveling shoes.






sometimes it just randomly hits me that damn, i miss london. i miss that city. i saw a map today and traced farringdon street with my finger, from blackfriars past holborn off the map to where i used to live. i miss it. every piece of it. every cobblestone and every street sign and every bus stop and every raindrop. i hope i go back there someday, and i hope it's soon.

you're unlike anything i've seen

sometimes i look back on this past year of my life as a calendar in my mind: january, confusion. february, misery. march, waking up for the first time in forever. april, nervousness and happiness. may, pure unadulterated joy. june, thinking things could never get any better. july, realizing they can. august, getting back into the swing of things. september, getting used to things. october, realizing that i am luckier than i think. november, getting through the rough times. december, realizing that it's all worth it, every minute, every second.

i don't think i understood what happiness was until this year taught me.

how much i can come and go

sometimes i miss the way things used to be, and the way it was before that, and even before that. it's so strange how so much can change from one year to another, one place to another, one person to another. thinking about now compared with two years ago compared with two years before that makes me realize that so much changed without anyone really noticing. it's not until you look back that you really see it, i guess. it's so strange how things only happen once and after it's over, all you have is memories that fade, and pictures if you're lucky. maybe i shouldn't be so bittersweet, because even though it's over, it still happened. and i still have the here and now, which is more that i could have ever asked for. it's getting colder but i am getting better. i am here and i am happy.

i knew when we collided

i love the way everything just falls into place.