i let myself in though i know i'm not supposed to

this is how my day goes:

wake up. think of you. eat breakfast. think of you. work out. think of you. shower. think of you. check the phone. think of you. go to work. think of you. it all becomes quite repetitive after a while.

sometimes i get lucky and the phone rings in my favor. it's 10am and i am smiling as the sun seeps through my window and i press the reciever against my ear. when i'm just waking up, you are the best way to start my day.

sometimes i'm not so lucky and i spend all day wasting my phone's battery by checking it so many times. i scowl and ache and fight back stubborn tears that sting my eyes and my cheeks and want to hate you, except i never really could.


today i waited. i waited and waited and took a walk and tried not to check the phone and failed miserably and i ended up sitting by the lake, under a tree that had just bloomed a little too late, my secret spot. i sat there under those red flowers and slapped mosquitoes away from my skin, and i thought as hard as i could, hoping that maybe, just maybe, one of those thoughts would beam out over the horizon and make its way to you.