it's unforgettable, now that we've come this far

uno: I am one midterm and a paper away from a) Thursday night awesomeness and b) SPRING BREAK AND THE BEACH. AHHHH CANNOT WAIT.

dos: This is my schedule for the next 24 hours or so:

• Now until 2am --> study for Brit Lit
• 2am - 9:20am --> sleep
• 9:30 - 10am --> work out
• 10am - 10:50am --> shower, get ready, leave for Brit Lit midterm
• 11am - 12:15pm --> Brit Lit final
• 12:20pm - 12:50pm --> lunch
• 1pm - 4(ish)pm --> shopping with Mich!
• after that --> beer date with Kenz + other assorted shenanigans

tres: I am so thankful for the people in my life. I mean, I always say that, but sometimes I forget how much I mean it. I have so many people who are there for me, no matter what, and I have people that believe in me. To one person in particular (and I know you are reading this)-- thank you. I don't think anyone really knows how much it means to me to have someone truly believe in me and my abilities-- because of you, I've actually started to believe in myself.

sometimes things are more important than sleeping

Sometimes your prayer is a photograph, a snapshot-- through the true eyes or through the mind's eye. To me, my prayers are words, and I feel them forming as I gaze around me. The ground I kneel on is cold and wet but I don't feel it; instead I am looking up, up and the snow is falling down, down. I can feel that there's something happening here, something that's more real than the snowflakes melting into raindrops on my cheeks.

I light a candle and I light it for what is real. This, here right now, is real. This sight I see before me is something we can't create: we must wait for it to happen. And when it does, it happens whether you expect it or want it, and it is stunning in its unpredictability. I can see my breath billow out before me and it mingles with the glow of the candles. I could have chosen to be anywhere, but I filled my space here in the snow, and the snow filled its space with me.

so i lay my head back down

Things of note right now:
1) I am SO. TIRED.
2) I don't want to go to class. Especially Italian. I wish I had skips left. I'm so tempted to skip right now.
3) Oh, screw it. I'm skipping.
4) I've been kind of sad lately (and I don't even know why! wtf?) and I have been listening to the Walk to Remember soundtrack a lot lately. Are they connected? Hmm.
5) I need to buy a new bathing suit for SB '08. I'm thinking Old Navy is the best (and least expensive!) option. Now the question is: to order online, or not to order online? Thoughts?
6) I changed my mind-- I don't want to go to Chicago tonight. I want to stay here and ... this is stupid but I know I'll miss him terribly even if I'm only gone for a night. Wow. I need to get it together before the summer or we're gonna have a real problem on our hands.

Ahhhhh. I feel like a crazy person. Why do I feel as though nothing is where it should be right now? :(

thoughts after fiction writing...

So the more I write, and the more I read other people's writing and hear other people's opinions, the more I realize how subjective it all is. I mean, there is obviously a line between what is GOOD and what is BAD, but since there are so many different writing styles and genres, that line gets blurred extremely often. There are some amazing writers in my class, but every one of them has a distinct style and while it may be mine, it may not be someone else's cup of tea. It's a lot to think about...

I've also realized that maybe fiction isn't what I should be aiming for-- I feel so much more at home when I'm writing about my own experiences, or rather, a more nonfiction approach. I've always tried to infuse those kind of things into the fiction I write, but I've almost never felt 100% satisfied with my fiction. I don't know ... I guess it's just something I have to think about a little more.

In other news, basketball tonight!! Yay ... I'm excited. I've been listening to Remember the Name all day ... haha I'm such a nerd. ANYWAYS. My game plan for the time being is: work out, shower, get dressed, go to Subway, go to the JACC. And somewhere in between that, read more of Tom Sawyer. Etc. Alrightly ... I'm off. :)

cellophane girl, see through me

So I thought I was okay, but I'm pretty much a mess. The only thing that's keeping me sane right now is music and Dave.

And 3W. But that should be a given. :)

I just need to get out of here. Maybe going to that workshop this Friday (for the group that I'm going to Rome for Easter with) will be nice after all ... it should be good to just get away for a night. *sigh*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i can't stop if you don't start

I just spent waaaay too much time working on this slideshow that will not be done/need to be done until senior year. Is it procrastination? Yes. Is it frickin' sweet? YES.

(Only problem is that Windows Movie Maker likes to freeze up a lot on me. It did it like 5 times in the past 15 minutes. Not cool. Bad Windows Movie Maker.)

I just ate a dark chocolate truffle. It was quite delicious. I may put the bag out in the hallway because they are so delicious that I am tempted to eat one every five minutes. Hehe ;)

ANYWAYS. I need to go be productive now, so that is what I shall do! Go productive Michelle go!

Ciao amigos.

ouch.

It's that feeling that starts in the pit of your stomach, and then it just clenches. Ugh. I feel so disgusted with myself right now. Mostly because this, this waitlisting crap (which is basically rejection anyways)? Is my fault. That's right. I know it's because of my GPA. And if I had pushed myself, if I had just pushed myself a little during freshman year I just know that it would be different now.

It wouldn't be as bad if I didn't have good friends who are, in fact, going to the same places I applied to. Because now I not only can't go, but I'll have to hear about it too. I can't block this out and pretend it never happened. Not that it would be very healthy, at any rate, but still. Maybe it'd be easier, for a little while.

The thing that sucks is that I wanted it so much. I knew I wasn't going to get into Rome, but I love that fucking place so much that I always had that hope, deep down. You know? That impossible hope that you know you shouldn't have but that you keep alive just in case.

I just hate being that person who won't go because she wasn't good enough, as opposed to being the person who won't go because she just didn't apply.

huh.

So I was looking through my writing folder and organizing things, and I found something that I wrote in my junior year of high school, after reading Shakespeare's Sonnet 130 in Lit class:

I don't want your everyday, run-of-the-mill, "your eyes are like the stars" kinda love. I want someone who will see me with muddy sweatpants and wet hair and think I'm the most beautiful creature on this earth. I want someone who'll drive 3 hours in the pouring rain just to see me. I want someone to laugh so hard with that milk shoots out my nose. I want someone who'll beg to dance with me even though they hate dancing in the first place. I want that knock-em-dead, head-over-heels, crazy in love kinda love. Some people say it can't exist, but I know it's out there somewhere. And I'm holding out for that kind of love. That's what I'm waiting for.

blahhhh.

Things of note:

- South Bend sucks and its weather needs to go die a horrible, painful death.
- Migraines also suck. I have had 4 in the past three days. wtf. :(
- Can it be Spring Break now plz? Kthx.
- I have a paper due tomorrow and I have written ... the title.

However, I did clean my room and change my sheets today! Which is nice. :)

i have no voice as of now

So I'm just gonna say:

Lewis formal = GREAT SUCCESS!!

(and when you say that in your head, say it with a Borat voice. ahahaha.)

More details (and possibly pictures) to come. Get excited.






I pretty much love the world and everyone in it right now. :)

3 things on my mind...

i. Still sick. BLAH. Went to health services and I apparently do not have the flu, so that's definitely good at least. I categorically refuse to be sick for the formal ... plus I really want to partake in the illicit alcohol consumption that will be occurring. So-- sickness, go away. Nobody likes you. :P

ii. Sometimes (especially times like now) I am just itching to play my guitar ... but I can't because I don't have it here! :( And it's even worse because Paula's guitar is here, sitting on her desk, so sometimes I think, "Oh, I can just play Paula's..." and then I remember that hers is BROKEN. Meh. Guitar, come back to meeeeee :( I miss you.

(and now, the big(ger) one...)

[deleted because that's over and it's pretty much all fixed now. heh.]

sick as a dog

You know, I never really understood that phrase ... how sick do dogs actually get?? Hmm...

But yeah. I am slowly dying ... okay not really. But I feel like crap and am trying to rest up so I won't be sick for Friday, 'cause if I'm sick for the formal I may have to choke a bitch. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FORMAL FOR SO LONG I CAN'T BE SICK AHHH.

I just spent the last hour and a half editing the layout of this thing. Now it is SWEET. Go me!

I am wearing green sweatpants and a giant orange hoodie. I feel like an oversized pumpkin.

Who can't wait for spring break? Oh, that's right, ME. (sb '08 so great can't wait)

Oh goodness ... I just realized I have to call in sick to work and I forgot to get the NDH number YET AGAIN. Go me (except with a different connotation)...

Aaaand that has been your daily random sample of Michelle's thoughts! Have a nice day.

hello hello

So I have this bright, shiny new blog and I feel as though it should not stand around empty. So here I am, posting in it! Yaaaay.

I should be sleeping right now. But I'm not. Who's surprised? *crickets*

Um... yeah.

I should go read up on things I don't know much about. Like relationships and Africa. I uh, miss reading about those things. Ya know?

Okay this is a very deranged post. Peace out yo. Word up, A-town (shoutout to Mich? or do I just like Usher a lot? or do I just like the phrase "word up"? THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW)