it was the end of a decade but the start of an age

today i was looking through old pictures, primarily those from the end of our 2008 fall break trip in barcelona, spain. we had just arrived from traveling for five days in cold norway and germany, and it was 75 degrees and sunny in spain. in almost all of these pictures, we're smiling; not just scheduled smiles for the camera, but real, open-mouthed grins, traces of laughter from something just outside the frame. those three days in barcelona were some of the happiest and carefree days of my life. the weather was warm and we dipped our feet into the mediterranean and we ate delicious food and sat in the sun, drinking sangria and enjoying life.

on our last night we wandered down to port vell, and sat on the edge of the dock with wine and cheese and i felt as though my heart could have soared. i was in a beautiful place with people that i loved and i was so happy, truly happy, and some of the things that had weighed heavily on my heart for the past few months lifted for a while. i have never been so engrossed in a moment in time as that last night on the pier, sipping wine from a plastic cup and laughing, head tipped back.

i feel like ever since i've graduated i've been wallowing in a pit of nostalgia and recently i've been trying to crawl out. that feeling of happiness i felt on the barcelona pier, walking through london streets, licking a cone of gelato in rome, giggling with friends in my dorm room, walking across south quad looking at the dome and the sunset sky -- i want to feel that way about my life now. i want to love the past but to a degree, let go, so that i can live in my present and be as fully happy as i was then.

in eat, pray, love the author introduces a concept where your entire sense of self can be defined in a single word. my word is traveler. i have always been a traveler. i boarded my first plane when i was less than six months old and ever since then i've always been itching to go places, see new things, visit corners of the world where i've never been. i left home after graduating high school and in a way i've been traveling ever since. D.C. might not be my favorite adventure but it's definitely a huge part of the overall journey, and for that i am grateful. so i'll hang on. and i'll keep traveling. and i will be happy.

for the burning in our veins

have just come to the realization that i am in the midst of the biggest writer's block ever. i look back on some things i've written before and i wonder to myself, why on EARTH am i not writing? i do try sometimes, but for some reason i just seem to repeat the same things over and over, and i can't make anything come out the way i want it to.

but for the first time in my life, i have an idea. a real book idea that i think could really get somewhere. i actually have some semblance of a planned-out plot. i always said i wanted to write poetry but for the first time in my life i have an idea for something longer than a few pages, and it's a feeling like no other.

all i have left to do is write.

i don't know when this block will go away, when i'll be able to let the prose pour out of my fingertips like it used to, in my elementary school story notebooks. but i am armed with an idea and a keyboard, and when the time comes--whether it be two days or two years from now--i will be ready. and i will write.