i'll never forget that morning; the lump in my throat, the wide-eyed disbelief, the feeling of hanging on the edge of a precipice.
to this day, when i see pictures i feel like i could climb inside and be exactly where i was that day. the way the ground felt under my feet, the breeze that ruffled my hair and the sun that made us bake inside our shapeless black robes. the way i felt when i walked out of the tunnel into the bright light of the stadium: i looked up at the blue sky and at the people all around me and for the first time, i felt truly proud. i was proud of myself and everyone else that day, because we had made it through those four years and had something to show for it. we had learned. and that's what college is, really: learning in every aspect of the word.
at the very end, i wandered around the campus grounds with full eyes and a heavy heart. i said goodbye to every person, every place, all the while feeling like it was all a dream. leaving was inevitable, but leaving was unthinkable. how could it be that so much of my life whizzed by in this place: me at eighteen, thrust into a brave new world; at nineteen, living and loving; at twenty, making mistakes and facing consequences; at twenty-one, independent and free and incandescently happy. i retraced the spots where i had my first kiss, fought bitter fights, rolled around in the snow, rode my bike in the sunshine, splashed in the fountain, yelled my throat sore, whispered at night, turned pages, typed furiously, scribbled poetry, broke my heart, broke my bones, danced 'till i was out of breath. it's hard to fit four years into a paragraph, or an hour's time, but on that last day it was like i relived it all.
throughout my four years at notre dame i was exposed to countless opinions and sentiments about the place, both positive and negative. and for me, the one thing that rang true was this: from the outside, you can't understand it, and from the inside, you can't explain it. the university of notre dame is a part of my life that i loved then, cherish now, and probably romanticize - but those four years changed me. they taught me who i was, who i wanted to be, and what things in life were worth fighting for. they taught me to hold on to my faith and make it an ever-fixed part of my life. they taught me that no one is perfect, and no ever will be, and that all we should do is try to be our very best. they taught me that the people that matter are the ones who will stay.
they taught me that even if we have to let go, our time was was real. it happened. we will carry it with us for the rest of our lives, and no one can take it away from us.
