this is exactly what i have always wanted to say

“Love isn’t an act. It’s a whole life. It’s staying with her now because she needs you; it’s knowing you and she will still care about each other when sex and daydreams, fights and futures- when all that’s on the shelf and done with. Love - why, I’ll tell you what love is: it’s you at 75 and her at 71, each of you listening for the others step in the next room, each afraid that a sudden silence, a sudden cry, could mean a lifetime’s talk is over.”

-- Brian Moore

i still can recall that moment so ready and waiting to fall

and suddenly, it all matters so much less - the grand gestures, first-time declarations, everything that built this into what it is now. what matters now are the things you wouldn't think twice about: falling asleep on your shoulder, sharing a beer in an applebee's, dancing to the radio at a red light. our lives are spread out before us like an open road and there are so many things i want to do and see, but honestly? i want the extraordinary but i can't wait for the ordinary: making dinner, walking to a park, brushing our teeth in the same mirror, curling up on the couch when it's cold and watching tv. that's what i want. all of it. even (especially) the parts we wouldn't think twice about.

i wish i had written this

when i looked into your eyes i knew it was true

now i’m not a highly metaphysical man
but i know when the stars are aligned you can
bump into person in the middle of the road
look into their eyes and you suddenly know
rocking in the dance hall moving with you
dancing in the night in the middle of june
my momma told me don’t lose you
‘cause the best luck i had was you

i said hey, I'll be gone today
but i'll be back all around the way
it seems like everywhere i go
the more i see the less i know
but i know one thing, that i love you
i love you, i love you, i love you

[say hey (i love you), michael franti and the spearheads]





well i love you so dearly, i love you so fearlessly
i wake you up in the mornin' so early
just to tell you i got the wanderin' blues, i got the wanderin' blues
and i don't wanna leave you, i love you through and through

oh i left my baby on an underground train
and i sang my songs to the cold london rain
i had the wanderin' blues, and i sang those wanderin' blues
and i'm gonna quit these ramblin' ways one of these days soon
and i'll sing, the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs...

[the littlest birds, be good tanyas]







i am so laaaaame. :)

even if the sky is falling down

i. i was looking through my london blog and came across this passage:

The thing about London is-- well, there's more than one thing, really, but the thing about London is that you can't really put it into words. I would say it's my beautiful city, but it's not really beautiful, no; in its subtleties, maybe, but London is too big and busy to be beautiful. London doesn't slow down and wait for you. (I walk about ten times faster now than I did four months ago.) London is full of life. London breathes. There are people everywhere, and I like that. London is diverse and colorful and sometimes it's dirty, sometimes it's clean, but it's real and it lights up at night and sometimes, still, I look around as I walk down the street and I can't believe I'm really here.

GAHHH I MISS IT. <3




ii. baby don't worry, you are my only, you won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down.




iii. and i think the best part is that truly, i believe everything you've ever told me, during the day, in the morning light, in the dark before my eyes get used to it.

if i could tell you what's next

this is what i say: hello. how are you? how was your day/class/meeting/work/everything/life?

this is what i mean: hello. i love you. i love you. i love you.

this is what i do: every so often i search the well-worn corners of my mind and revisit
those words--

--by me or by others; on paper, on computer screens, on walls, engraved in stone; sloppy,
neat, scribbly, clear, muddled, legible, impossible, possible, but always real--

--that make me think of you and smile and say yes, yes, yes, this is it.

something about you turns me inside out

i could write you a couple hundred thousand billion trillion words and even then, i wouldn't be able to come close to describing what i feel about you. so since i know you're not one for reading i'll spare you the trouble, and get to the important part: i love you, like a hurricane, like an atomic bomb, like a cup in the sink that's overflowing because i forgot to turn off the faucet. i love you. i promise. always. forever.

you mean so much while the world can mean so little

and in light of everything that has happened, everything i've said, everything i've seen - i've realized that nothing really matters except for the fact that you and i know we are meant to be and we want to tell the world. and really, that's all i've ever wanted. everything could be crashing down around me but i know that as long as i have you, i'll be safe. i've finally been able to stop doubting and start trusting. you are the best decision i have ever made and i feel like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.

the seasons of my life

sometimes i'm tangled up, like knotted up headphone cords or a necklace you just can't get undone or sheets that bunch around my ankles and hold me in place. it's like how you're scared to death when you're on a roller coaster, twists and turns and drops that make your stomach soar but in the end all it is a metal car on a metal track and electricity and magnets that go back and forth, and two minutes later it's like you never left that place where you started. if i had my way, every day would be my birthday and my present would always be you. sometimes my heart beats too fast, a telegram running through my veins to whoever is listening ear to chest. i want you STOP i need you STOP where are you STOP i can't sleep without you STOP. but who understands morse code anymore? no one made a rosetta stone for the matters of the heart. so let's throw away the rules and roll the dice; we already know how to play the game. i'm standing at the edge of the mountain and all i can feel is your hand in mine. close your eyes and jump and if there's a landslide i know we'll be okay.

my two favorite songs ever

uno:
but time makes you bolder, children get older, i'm getting older too.

this song gets me every time. i could listen to a thousand different versions a thousand times and it will still make me cry and it will never get old.

(also 2:05 in this version. amazing.)

dos:
and when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me.

<3. that is all.