i find myself reciting shakespeare in the shower. my heart leaps whenever i catch a glimpse of london in a movie scene. i keep myself busy but when i'm free all i do is look at pictures, pictures, pictures with wistful longing. i listen to long division and cath and galway girl and fix you and mr. brightside on repeat and if i close my eyes, it's almost like i'm back in flat 8, nutella jar of wine in hand, ready for where the night will take us.
i miss it too much.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
how can i move on if i'm still in love with you
this is both harder and easier than i thought it would be.
i miss london with more of me than i ever thought i could. i close my eyes and i see the south bank, the view from millenium bridge, the globe, the LC, kamen and minerva, farringdon grill, exmouth, everything. i woke up at cami's house the other morning and in the sleepy half-light i thought i was back in my room in flat 13. i've been busy busy busy with friends packing flights family eating beach family reading music family eating; but at times like this, when i have a moment to just breathe, all i can do is stare at facebook and listen to death cab and galway girl and think about what i left behind.
and it's not like i'm sad about going back, either. i'm more than excited to be back at notre dame, to not have to worry about cooking anymore and living with three of my best friends and being close to the people i love and seeing my abroad friends and reunions and JPW and all the usual ND stuff. i missed it, believe it or not. but the difference is that i'll be back to notre dame, at least for a year and a half (!!!) more. i'll never be back to london-- well, i'm sure i'll be back someday, but it won't be the same london, won't be the same people, won't be the same thing ever again. never ever. and maybe that's a good thing, because we lived it up so much for that very reason; but at the same time it's a terrible and awful thing because it's a little pocket of time that we can never do again, that we'll only get back reprocessed through pictures and memories and "hey, remember when..."s.
life splits the moment you are born and it never stops splitting, never, not until you die and all the loose ends are tied up and you are finally, blissfully happy, everything in its right place at the right time, all at once. but until then, you (or maybe it's just me) will always be missing something, no matter where you are or how hard you try. sometimes you just can't deny these things.
i miss london with more of me than i ever thought i could. i close my eyes and i see the south bank, the view from millenium bridge, the globe, the LC, kamen and minerva, farringdon grill, exmouth, everything. i woke up at cami's house the other morning and in the sleepy half-light i thought i was back in my room in flat 13. i've been busy busy busy with friends packing flights family eating beach family reading music family eating; but at times like this, when i have a moment to just breathe, all i can do is stare at facebook and listen to death cab and galway girl and think about what i left behind.
and it's not like i'm sad about going back, either. i'm more than excited to be back at notre dame, to not have to worry about cooking anymore and living with three of my best friends and being close to the people i love and seeing my abroad friends and reunions and JPW and all the usual ND stuff. i missed it, believe it or not. but the difference is that i'll be back to notre dame, at least for a year and a half (!!!) more. i'll never be back to london-- well, i'm sure i'll be back someday, but it won't be the same london, won't be the same people, won't be the same thing ever again. never ever. and maybe that's a good thing, because we lived it up so much for that very reason; but at the same time it's a terrible and awful thing because it's a little pocket of time that we can never do again, that we'll only get back reprocessed through pictures and memories and "hey, remember when..."s.
life splits the moment you are born and it never stops splitting, never, not until you die and all the loose ends are tied up and you are finally, blissfully happy, everything in its right place at the right time, all at once. but until then, you (or maybe it's just me) will always be missing something, no matter where you are or how hard you try. sometimes you just can't deny these things.
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